29 March 2010

Climbing fences...

When you can't untie the double knot in your shoe,
when you cover your knees with band-aids and vow to never ride a bike again,
when you're crying because you struck out for the millionth time on the softball field that summer,
when you start to fail that English class because your research paper had very little research,
or when the track county championships come down to the 400m relay that you're the second leg of,
the last thing you want to hear is "can't never could..."

But growing up, my Aunt Kathy would always tell us "Mama T always said that can't never could..."
(Mama T was my great-grandmother. A wise old soul who died when I was two, but she was still very much a part of our lives.)
I never gave those words a second thought, and always gave up when the doubt would creep in.
On several occasions, I’ve wanted to throw a child-like fit, shed some tears, and cry, “I can’t.”
And maybe more than once, I have.

Since I've been back in Germany, I've called Momma to check on the boys every day, sometimes twice a day.
She always has lots of stories to tell about Austin and Cade.
One day early last week, she told me that she had tied one of the gates on the backyard fence shut so that Austin couldn't wander out into the driveway.
A few days later, she said that he had found the second gate, and it's now tied shut too.
Of course a few days after that conversation, she was telling me that she caught Austin climbing over the fence.

I thought to myself, "There's nothing this child can't do."
He's been thrown into a new environment without his momma or daddy by his side. And he's still trucking. He's exploring everything around him, and laughing, and getting in trouble, just like he were at home.
He's adjusting. And learning to go with the flow.
It caught me off guard.

And I realized, I need to be more like him...
When someone ties my fence shut, I need to learn to climb over it saying,
"Can't never could. And I know I can…"



27 March 2010

Training...

Training sucks.
I feel like I've been punched in the gut.
Hard.
I pray the rumors are right... that what they're training for is far away.

It's not the time apart that's so hard.
It's the worrying...
Worrying about what I don't know about.

It's that the deployment cycle has started, and there's no turning back.
It's now a reality that a deployment will happen again.

It's not if... it's when.

25 March 2010

Fridge Fishin’

fridge bubbapushfridgefishin   cadeshuts
[A few pictures I snagged from my Momma’s facebook. She’s been telling me stories of Bubba climbing out the kitchen window to get to the back porch and of Cade’s mighty right and left jabs to his big brother. I’ve heard tales of dishcloths hanging from chandeliers and whole rolls of toilet paper mysteriously unrolling down the hall and into the bedrooms.  I’m just thankful that she now knows I’m not crazy… This stuff really does happen! ]



Mamarazzi Monday
Hosted by the fabulous Household6Diva!



_

24 March 2010

Slowly…

I just took a sip of sweet red wine.
I'm looking across our kitchen as I type this.
My husband stands over the stove, sautéing vegetables and chicken for fajitas.
Candles are lit.
The house is quiet, all but the sound of Foo Fighters on the iPod.
My boys are somewhere in Alabama screaming with delight because they're playing outside.
I miss them.
But I'm thankful to be here.
To take things slower in my children's absence.
To cherish my husband and to reconnect with him.

Slowly; a little at a time. Every moment, every hour, every day…
I'm learning to be a wife; just a wife.
When we first married, I was 8 months pregnant with Austin.
My husband deserves that.
I'm also learning to be a better a mom.
Our boys deserve that.
I've been a better friend in the past few weeks.
I like that.
I'm slowly finding myself in all this too.
I find peace in that.
For sometime, I was lost.
Unsure of who I wanted to be...
And now I know...
I want to his wife, their mom... and I want to be good at it.
I want to be a friend and a daughter and a person that gives.

With that said, I need to get back to my husband and this dinner we're cooking together.
I need to get back to his laugh.
I just wanted to check in.
And to tell you all, that I can feel the prayers and that soon, I'll get back to being a blogger.
Until then...
I'm just a wife.
And a mom.
And a daughter.
And a friend.

And if feels so very good.




22 March 2010

Mamarazzi Monday

Or in this case… GramMomma-razzi… as I kinda stole borrowed these pictures from my Momma’s facebook.
David and I are missing our boys so much, but are also enjoying this time together. I will travel back to the states here shortly to bring them back home.
In the meantime, here’s some pictures of what they’ve been up to in Alabama without us!
sun  
Austin has loved my parent’s backyard. Every time it rains he wants to go outside and just sit. It rains a lot here in Germany, so maybe the rain just reminds him of home.
face1st 
Cade is saying a few more words and exploring his freedom. I’m worried that he’ll have no fear like his brother.
jeep
From left to right, Austin, Cade, and Babygirl. Babygirl is my cousin’s daughter; she’s exactly a year younger than Austin. These three are three peas in a pod and I’m so excited that they have this time together.

This post is linked to Household6Diva’s Mamarazzi Monday.

14 March 2010

Pushing…

cadepushesbubba
Cade has learned to push.
He’s learned to push a big wheel… and to push his brother down.
He’s also learned that Austin is stronger than him and that Austin can hold him down…
And that if he bites Austin, Austin will usually get off of him.
He knows how to push buttons…


12 March 2010

Gratitude.

I shook his hand.
And told him thanks.
He smiled, and replied,
"Thank you for your support, Ma'am."

My momma on the other hand was so un-cool.
With tears in her eyes, she hugged him.
Both-arms-wrapped-around-this-stranger-in-uniform-making-a-scene-in-the-airport hugged him.
She thanked him, too.
I think.
He laughed nervously.
But then, his smiled stretched big across his face.
And he hugged her back.


I'm not sure what touches me more...
her gratitude, or his....


[This post linked to Finer Things Friday, at The Finer Things in Life.]

06 March 2010

Amazing...

It's amazing how I'm at home...
Yet come Sunday, I'll be heading home...

Home.
Alabama.
Germany.

It's all home.
I'm always surrounded by people I love.

It's amazing.

It's amazing how completely I doubted things a few weeks ago.
I know now that there's nothing more in this world I want than to live in our apartment in Germany with my soldier and our two baby boys.

This world is amazing to me.
This life is amazing to me.

Thank you, God, for giving it all to me.
You, Lord, are amazing.