nothing to do with strength

Most days, I don't know what I'm doing. I think I've said that here before. 

Saturday proved no different.
We spent four hours in the ER, because I thought Cade needed stitches. 

Turns out he pretty much just cut a hunk of skin out of his finger.
A nurse practitioner cleaned his wound, applied ointment, and mummy wrapped his hand.
As we left, I felt embarrassed. 

I could have done that.

I could and can do a lot of things.
But in the heat of that moment, in the thick of it...
I needed help.

I needed the reassurance from a medical professional that his finger was ok.

I need someone to tell me it's ok.
I need someone to hug me tight when I feel like breaking. 

A few months ago, I needed a friend to sort through my laundry and show me where to put the clutter.
I had gotten so caught up in all of it, that I just couldn't see any of it. 

I need to take Austin to school every day, because it means I get out of the house- twice a day. 

Who cares that I throw clothes on and walk out the door... The point is that I walk out the door.

Deployment teaches us a lot about ourselves... about who we are and who we hope to be.
I hear, "I admire your strength," or, "You are so strong," more times than I care to count.
The thing is... It's not about strength. We all have the strength to survive anything.
It's just buried deep inside.
It's about asking for help when you need it, and just simply getting things done.
It's about perseverance and the will to keep going.

Here we are in the middle of the eleventh month, and I'm second guessing myself.
I'm tired and worn out.
So much waits for us on the other side of this deployment-
and I'm not even sure how I'll get there...

But this I know...

Cade needs a clean bandage twice a day.

Austin needs to be walked to and from school Monday-Friday.

Groceries need to be bought.

Bills need to be paid.

Playgrounds need to played on.

Friends need to be hugged.

The coffee shop will always sell me coffee.

Bedtime will come.

And this deployment will end.

I just gotta keep going....