25.4.12

give, and let go...

Austin, Cade, and I- August 2010


I was hollering at one boy to get out of the road, nudging the other to pull his back pack onto his back before he dropped it in a puddle.
Quietly pleading with them both to hold my hand! stay on the sidewalk! stop splashing! don't wander too far ahead! CAR!
And I saw her, with her littlest one all snug on her chest. She was walking with a friend, casually chatting about their day. Two little ones danced around them and her free hands grabbed the hand of her oldest, and I knew that feeling all too well.
She saw me, too... Her eyes met mine, her arms wrapped tighter around the baby all snug on her chest, and a smile graced her face... 

I smiled back, and stopped micro-managing our five minute walk home from school... 

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I sold my beloved Ergo a few weeks ago at our yard sale... 
I came inside and told my husband, "I, uh, just sold my Ergo." 

"Why'd you do that?"

"I'm not sure exactly. She asked how much- I didn't even have it out to sell, I had it out showing our neighbor how awesome it was... She had a babe and a toddler and it's cold and windy and her arms were full... And I just blurted out a price, and when she asked, 'are you sure?' I said, 'yes."

And just like that, I ended our babywearing days.

 Truth be told, it'd been a few weeks since I'd pulled the Ergo out of the back of the car. Cade is three and quite capable of walking here and there. Austin is five and wouldn't be caught dead on his momma's back in a carrier with a flower on it. 

But both boys are well under the suggested 45lb weight limit and I can't imagine taking an international flight, trekking through airports without one of the safely strapped to my back... 
Then there's the whole thing where we live in Europe for only a few more months and exploring European cities and castles is no fun with a stroller, and even less fun with a tired three year old... 

And just like that, I ended our babywearing days. 

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I mourned that dang baby carrier for weeks days. I couldn't think about it without a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes. 

It stung to plan a weekend away, and know we'd need to throw a stroller into the car just in case. 

We have to leave a few minutes earlier to get to school pick up on time. I can't toss Cade on my back for the walk there anymore. I have nothing to toss him in. 
When he misbehaves and refuses to walk on the sidewalk with his brother, I can't discipline him by scooping him up to safety onto my back again... 

We went on an exciting weekend adventure recently and we didn't miss the Ergo. We survived. The boys had an absolute blast and I quietly let my fears go... 

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And so, when I saw her today, with her baby snuggled in on her chest, I smiled and knew that she already loved my Ergo as much as we did- her little one safe on her chest and her arms free to pull the older one to safety. 

That was me, once, not all that long ago. 

But time marches on, and it changes things... 
Mostly, it changes you. 

You learn to let them wander a little farther away. 
You learn to let them walk home with wet feet because they splashed in that puddle. 
You learn to let go a little... 







9 comments:

  1. I can't even fathom the idea of selling our Beco. I won't for several years as we're back into it with an 11 week old, but... someday. I guess. Maybe. Or maybe I'll just tuck it away in a closet and keep it forever ;)

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  4. I'm not quite sure why my original comment posted under that WAY old user ID and also why it posted twice... You can totally delete both of them because this is the correct user!

    I sold my Beco a few weeks ago and have truly missed it a few times, but I know that the friend I sold it to will have much more use for it when her FIFTH child arrives next month!

    I also know that if I asked (though I probably never will), she'd let me borrow it!

    I'm sad my baby wearing and baby bearing days have come to an end... :(

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  5. Goodness, you are such a beautiful writer.

    I just re-instituted (is that a word?) my own baby wearing days after having another little bundle of joy, and you're so right. It's not only an ultimate convenience, it's so intimate and special. For as much as I love to see my girls grow, there are so many moments that I'd like time to just hold still. Still learning to let go myself...

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  6. Beautiful!

    Time does march on. But, you know that you're loved Ergo is being loved by a mama who needs it, what a blessing it must be to her!

    And, I understand the sadness a bit, Paxton has gotten too big for me to wear comfortably so wearing Weston sometimes makes me sad that sweet time has ended for Paxton and me.

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  7. Goodness, time goes too fast with kids, doesn't it?

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  8. I just thought of this same thing this weekend. I am not quiet near my end of baby wearing but I don't know what I will do with my Ergo.

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