other dreams

---

more times than i can count, he's told me, "i have to go. i don't have a choice," as he tossed a green army duffel over his shoulder. 

our babies have cried and reached for him. he's kissed their heads and turned their arms back to me.

he's wiped tears from his eyes, taken a deep breath, and turned on his heels to walk away from us. 

i've driven home in the middle of the night, crawled into an empty bed, and called my mom without saying a word, just sobbing... 

those goodbyes? 

they hurt. 

they stab you deep in your chest. 

they pull the life right out of you... 

and somehow, you have to grab it and shove it back inside... 

---
in a few months time, we'll get a fresh start.

we're choosing to leave a stable job with great benefits.
we're choosing to say no to the chance to see the world, experience new things, live a grand adventure.

because this army life? it is just that...a grand adventure.
and we're choosing to not live it.
we're choosing to chase other dreams.

---
there's a chance that there just might be, could be a year long opportunity for him in florida.
he'd get a decent start at a dream of his...

the part of me that's lived in a foreign country for five years and endured deployments without the respite of a sleepover at grandmomma's house wants to cling to family and hometown, alabama...

he could go.
we would stay.
we'd meet in the middle when we could.
and at the end of that year, we'd head off to chase the job that would come...

---

and then i cried. 

and my heart sank...

tears poured down my face as i remembered those goodbyes... 

"we have a choice this time. 

why would i choose to let you go?"  

---
and then i caught my breath,
and i hinted at a smile...

this time we get to choose.
we get a say.
we have a choice.

we. 
have.
a. 
choice.






[[this is just write.]]